Morning sun seems to be my theme these days. It is so hopefull, full of bright anticipation. These days I feel like life is kicking me in the ass, but today's morning sun made me forget all such notions, giving me a lightness I haven't felt in a while, the sky is the limit!!
Irritation has been what is eating me, mostly at my kids, some at my husband, which leads to irritation at my general situation. My animals are alright, except for my doggy who is getting so old that he is a total whimp and won't walk past the kitty in the hallway for fear that he will attack him (playfully, as usual), so barks to be saved. I don't know why I have so little tolerance for my canine pet whom I love very much, but maybe it is because I have to be utmost kind to my FIL who really can't help any of it, but then neither can my doggie... I guess I can get away with telling off a senile doggie, something I can't do to the human who is even more senile than the doggy. Anyway my cat is perfect, he doesn't give a hoot about anyone but himself and comes lovingly to my lap for a cudde several times a day. He is opposite his disposition, soft, warm, more soft, and more warm, that's all I need is something soft, warm and lovelable, but he lets me know the stove is just as good company! Not needy or clingy, refreshing, I have no qualms about pushing him away when I need to get moving, the way it should be!
E is driving now, it is working out alright, even with our one car. Like right now she is off with the car having lunch then running errands and she promised to come back in time for when I need the car this afternoon. When we are communicating everything is just fine, but then she still stays out all night without a word and when I chase her in the morning with a text message/s then she returns with a shortened version of a sentence with incomplete words which I get the meaning of but wish I didn't so that I could retort back 'What the hell are you saying???'. Cutting short everything like I am not worth the effort of speaking in complete sentences with complete words to, and I am none the wiser for where she is. OK so she is alright, I tell myself I have to be thankful for that. I believe it when they say that future kids aren't going to be able to talk, only text (incomplete words and sentences) ARRGH!!! I can't wait till she starts work then she will have to settle down. Today I asked her what she did over the weekend and she told me and it was alright, see? See the difference communicating makes? If she could just tell me what she is doing, or going to do so that I KNOW and don't have to worry it woud make all the difference.
Morning sun of yet another day.
And it shines!
J has been going to cram school to get ready for the entrance exams. Most everyone has taken them but he is one who his teacher at cram school wanted time with to prepare so is scheduled for one of the last tests. I finally got him to go on his own, was riding out with him on our bikes, but always losing him because he refuses to listen to his Mom. So he can go on his own, now, four days a week thirty minutes one way, but then he plays hookie! So we don't give him too hard a time about it but he promises he won't do it again so we don't dock his allowance. He has to go Sunday too, and his Dad was working all day yesterday so it was my job to get him going. He decides he isn't going to go until a certain hour even though the teacher told me she likes him to come early on Sundays. It started looking like rain and no amount of trying to get him out the door early would do. To make a long story short, (I know, already too long!) he left at three thirty and didn't get back til eight and he studied for forty five minutes of this time. He came back drenched, but happy because he'd spent most of the time reading comics in a convenience store! My kids are driving me crazy! I will be so very thankful when March 1st and then March fourth roll around. March 1st is E's first day of work, and March Fourth is J's entrance exam. Please hurry!
And then I had a huge fight with hubby. I guess it was stuff that needed to get out. I lost it a couple of times with him. But this time he actually got what I was trying to tell him, I honestly think it is the first time for this to happen through one of our fights. I guess it takes 23 years of fighting!
So this is a little taste of my life of late. I know that my son was not born to cause me pain, although sometimes it feels like it. I know that my daughter is actually growing up although the process is a little slow for my liking at times. I am in pursuit of a better me, as I stumble and fall again and again particularly with my family. With E home alot during week days I don't get alot of my own work done, yeah go ahead and blame it on her! (Mostly it is the TV she always has it on so it draws me away) BUT I am re-working old pieces of mine and sending them out for another spin.
Today, with the morning sun I felt washed anew! It is a chance to feel better and get on with it. Thank God for these moments, and the morning sun shining bright! For the next blog I plan on getting some plum blossoms in bloom, imagine what they could do for me!